I know it’s been a year since we talked but you are still on my mind. Do you remember how we met? I mean, we were aware of each other’s existence. But do you remember the first time we actually talked? You were the one who started the whole thing. When you messaged me on Instagram, I replied, not knowing what I was getting myself into. At first, I enjoyed chatting with you. You were funny and you seemed to care about me.(Emphasize the word ‘seemed’ while reading this).
We were chatting all day long. You had the same interests as me. And it’s needless to mention how good-looking you are. You know you are very handsome and you’re not afraid to show it. But you never showed it to me in person. Are you aware that we’ve never been out on a date? Those times we’d see each other would be coincidences or some group gatherings. In those times, you’d smile at me. You’d spend all that time looking at me. You made me feel like the only woman in the world by the way you were looking at me. It was actually the greatest feeling ever. I don’t remember feeling like that ever before. You made me feel like that for a very long time. It was nice to feel wanted again.
I suggested a couple of times for us to go out together. You were always busy at work and I respected that. I’d been living with the hope that you’d eventually find some time for me. As it turns out, you were always at work.
Now I’m not sure why you didn’t want to go out with me. You liked texting me all night long. How is it better to text than to talk face-to-face? Was it about me at all? Were you so lonely that you simply needed someone to talk to for no good reason? You needed someone to admire you because you were feeling low for some time. And that’s not fair.
You gave me a false sense of hope. It was like taking a child to a candy store and telling them that they can’t take anything out of it. As much as you need admiration, I need it too. But did I start talking to someone without any intention of dating him? No! I’d never do that to another person. I’d never play with someone’s feelings like that. Besides, I wanted something real. Something that would maybe last. Admiration that would last for a long time. You weren’t there to stay. And I know it now. While we were still in contact, I was blinded by the expectations I had. Now that I don’t talk to you anymore it’s all different. I see things objectively. It’s the way I should’ve been seeing them from the beginning.
Now I can say for sure that I had been dealing with the most selfish personthere is. You only wanted to use me. And you did. You got from me what you wanted. I fell for you, admired you, and talked to you when you were bored. Every time I wanted to stop talking to you, you’d come back, begging for more attention. And my shield would always break in front of you. You were my weakness. Because I was trying to give you all the strength I had, I ended up being the weak one.
If you ever wanted me, you should’ve told me. You should’ve told me everything that was on your mind. Now I don’t understand what it is that you got out of this. I haven’t gotten anything. In fact, I’ve lost too much time thinking of you. And, even worse, I still think of you. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I want. You cannot leave my mind because you hurt me. The hope I had, the plans I planned, everything fell apart. The way things started, I thought we’d be together for a long time. I thought you would love me and care about me and continue watching me like I was the only woman in this world. But you didn’t. You only cared about yourself. You were like some male animal watching its prey. I don’t know how to define what you wanted from me. You didn’t want me to be your girlfriend. You didn’t want me to take care of you like a mother. You actually wanted something in-between but with a hint of fangirling.
You are still on my mind not because I can’t get over you but because I can’t get over what I thought we’d have together. I can’t get over my imagination. It’s the hardest kind of hurting. I’m trying to get over something that I created myself.
I bet you expect me to say how it’s not your fault that I’m still suffering. You want me to say that I’m the one who created the monster who’s killing me. But honey, it’s all your fault. You should’ve told me what you wanted. You should’ve taken me out on a date and talked to me in person. You should’ve done so many things but you didn’t. I know that my words now can’t change what happened but you have to be aware of the things you’ve done. Don’t do this ever again. Don’t play with someone else’s feelings like you’ve played with mine. It’s not anyone’s fault that you feel neglected or have a low self-esteem. You need to learn how to heal yourself without hurting anyone else.