Hey, you. I assume you are surprised to hear from me and that I am the last person who ever goes through your mind. I am sure that you forgot all about the little girl whose life you’ve tried to ruin.
About the vulnerable girl whom you took advantage of and whom you tried to convince wasn’t enough. I am certain you forgot all about the girl whose heart you broke to pieces.
Well, you see—I didn’t forget about you. And I don’t know if I ever will do so completely.
I didn’t forget about all the ways I loved you and how you didn’t love me back the way you should have. I didn’t forget how I gave my all to you, while you never had the decency to choose me or commit to me.
I didn’t forget how you never appreciated me or how you laughed at me for being too weak. How you were constantly taking me for granted and how you led me on for years. How you never cared about the way you were making me feel and how you never thought about the things you were doing to me.
I didn’t forget about the fact that you shattered my heart and how you did everything in your power to break me completely. But guess what? You didn’t make it. You didn’t win.
Yes, the truth is that you broke my heart. But you didn’t break me. You see, after you left, I never once felt guilty for everything that went on because I knew I did my best to make us work. I know that I put myself out there and I have a peaceful mind and that is one thing you’ll probably never have.
You may think that I was weak for allowing you to treat me the way you did. You may think that I didn’t have the strength I needed to walk away from you in time. But the truth is that my strength can actually be seen through the way I loved you.
It can be seen through the fact that I fought a losing battle. That I fought for the two of us and against you, even when I knew that all of my struggles were in vain.
It can be seen by the fact that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I gave it to a person who could never love me back for real. It can be seen in the fact that I took a chance with you, without knowing how things would turn out. That I allowed myself to fall for you, without any calculations or expectations.
It can be seen by the fact that I wasn’t afraid to show you my insecurities or vulnerabilities, even though you used them and even though you took advantage of me. I had the courage to face and accept all of my emotions, instead of running away from them. I had the courage to look at all of my pain in the eye and face it, despite all of its horrors.
But most of all—I proved to both of us that there exists life after a heartbreak. I’ve shown you that you couldn’t destroy me, as much as you wanted to. I’ve shown myself that I am stronger than you and stronger than all the pain you put me through. I’ve shown to us both that I was stronger than all my love for you and stronger than myself.
I had the courage to rise from the ashes and to pick up the broken pieces of my shattered heart. I had the courage to catch myself when I was about to trip and to fly when I was about to fall.
So, no, you didn’t win. Yes, the truth is that you still exist somewhere inside of me. But I don’t love you any longer.
I only see you as my failed attempt of love. I think of you as a reminder of my incredible power and bravery. I see you as a reminder of everything I should never go back to and a reminder of my courage.